The significance of the day took a drastic change in 2011 after Cael arrived. I now marvel at how very little I actually understood about the "mothering" that I received growing up. I look at my mom and am humbled knowing that she lives every day with the constant crush of love, thought, prayer, joy and worry that comes with loving a child with all of your heart.
That roller coaster of emotions was in full force for me today as I thought about my sweet son. So many of my thoughts were rooted in the realization that his life is progressing at warp speed. It seems as if we just brought him home from the hospital and suddenly he's this dynamic little person with his own trajectory into the future.
As I watched him nap today I was pulled to memories of how special it was to hold that sleeping baby and how sweet it was to cuddle up with him for a nap. Some of that rest was definitely needed for basic "survival" in the early days.
Other times I happily enjoyed his preference for curling up with me versus being put in his crib.
And then there were those times of free and clear snoozing bliss ... the naps and nights spent together while on vacation.
That sweet cuddling was a part of my time with Cael that, for the most part, passed as he approached his first birthday and figured out that having some space while napping can actually be a good thing. Now I'm lucky to get a few hours within a couple inches of him during a hotel stay since the kid loves to kick, flail and burrow these days.
While today I thought about how much I missed the joys of snoozing with my little guy, I also realized that I wouldn't trade the special conversation we had right before his nap for anything. I suppose those bittersweet trade-offs are going to be a welcomed norm for the rest of our lives ... letting go of one wonderful set of experiences in exchange for another. What an amazing gift ... Happy Mother's Day!
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